RAT, RATISTHAN, RATOLOGY

Sarcasm has been my second language since high schools and of late I’ve decided to up the ante, move to the next level and pour my freewheeling sarcasm to the chalice of blogosphere. Well, as my blog indicates, this piece of writing, as always, is my random rumblings and I may be able to edit them sometime down the line and be the Jeffrey archer of tomorrow, touchwood.  

The following is a travesty or caricature of real events which are happening around me and obviously I’ve spiced up a little by virtue of certain hyperbole or exaggeratory statements or understatements. The incidents have a striking semblance to persons and events and my intention is not to hurt anyone but to provide the reader with some moments of laughter.  Also, some readers might not understand what is going on around here. Don’t worry life is quite bizarre; you may not comprehend everything in the world.

How many of you have watched the (in) glorious movie Borat?  I’ve watched it and thoroughly enjoyed the antics of Borat Sagyadev even though he is stepping over the line and irksome at times. I was pondering on the movie incidents and trying to relate them with the antics of a shoddy little kingdom which could be aptly termed as a microcosm of Borat's Kazakhstan. I’m calling it RATISTHAN and the movie character Borat becomes RAT the Champ. Well, words in my dictionary won’t be sufficed to describe the persona of Rat the Champ. However, it would be an injustice if I won’t scribble a few things about this galactic lunatic. He is noted for his ‘6 rings’ which he wears around his collar (forgive him Roxanne if they are yours) and he won’t put any controls in place to control his mouth.

More coming on RAT and his murine clan and activities!!!! Stay put

 ZIP ZAP ZOOM : WIKIBOMBS IN INDIAN HORIZON

On the outset, I want to confess that I’m taking neither a pro-congress nor a pro-left nor a pro-BJP stance as I scribble this down. I’m not a paid CIA sympathizer too! Did I get any monetary benefit from Mr. Assange for writing this piece? Wait a minute; let me check my Swiss bank account...Oh boy, nothing....

Ever since the Congress party had been ‘wiki-bombed’, the politicos were/are quick in harping on poor Rahul Gandhi and blithely preach from podium after podium against him as if he had committed some egregious crime. What did the Gandhi-scion do?  Let’s get it straight from the horse’s mouth.

“Responding to the Ambassador’s query about Lashkar-e-Taibaâs activities in the region and immediate threat to India, Gandhi said there was evidence of some support for the group among certain elements in India’s indigenous Muslim community. However, Gandhi warned, the bigger threat may be the growth of radicalized Hindu groups, which create religious tensions and political confrontations with the Muslim community. (Comment: Gandhi was referring to the tensions created by some of the more polarizing figures in the BJP such as Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi.)”
[Source: http://wikileaks.ch/cable/2009/08/09NEWDELHI1624.html]

What is the crime here? Saying that saffron terror exists? After all, it was a private conversation between Rahul and the then US Ambassador to India. I think Rahul is right in saying that we face a great menace than the much-hyped Muslim terror. Let the triviality take a backseat and let’s come to the point.

Even though there is no unilateral and comprehensive definition of terrorism, I think it is safe to say that it is an act of repeated violence stemming from the ideological and religious quagmire of a community or group and harming the innocent public. May be, it’s a glorified synonym of communalism. The role of religious fundamentalist groups challenging the security of the nation can no longer be ignored. The Muslim terrorists and jihadists are active in our country and their purpose is to undermine the very fabric of our country and make our nation the ‘Islamic Republic of India’ where our lifestyle is totally talibanized. So are the Hindu radical groups. They want us to adhere to their pseudo morality and they are keen on imposing their archaic cultural practices on our shoulders. However, one has to realize that ours is a secular country and every one of us is supposed to live in harmony and peace and uphold our ethos and values regardless of our caste, creed and color. Ours is a democracy on the papers even if ‘demonocracy’ prevails! We often equate terrorism with Muslim community. However, radicalization and communal polarization are happening not only in the Muslim community but also in the Hindu community. This is not a mere generalization based on a few isolated events but a cursory look at the Indian political and sociological landscape would reveal this stunning truth.  It’s a bitter pill to swallow and nobody wants to subscribe to this idea in order to maintain political correctness. Communalism, be it majority communalism or minority communalism, would hamper the growth of our great nation.  Sadly, our political parties resort to verbal diarrhea and vote bank politics and indulge in beefing up their pockets. Dear Sirs, we are allergic to bulls***and we want you to show the courage to stand together and fight against communalism, whoever commits it,  and empower this nation to be one of the developed countries at least by 2050!

A sobbing Urban Shulamite

I've scribbled the below poem just now and it is not refined or enriched by the usage of any literary devices or meters as I do not want to lose the originality of thought. Suffice to say that I've been inspired by certain real life experiences of my friends however the logic and conclusion of the poem are totally fictional.

There stands a caged Shulamite
In the path of an ever-confusing Journey of life.
Dumbstruck, knowing not
whether the loyalties have to be shifted or not!

Lo and behold, here comes her jail-keeper
who does not allow her to take the breath of fresh air.
Freedom curtailed, hands tied up
her tears drop on earth and the grass withers!
She is chaste and pure even in his diabolic cage!

Yes, the jailer is short and stout
A ‘molester-mustache’ decorates his cunning visage,
he is the synonym of indulgence!
Yet she loved him dreaming that she would change him
but her dreams are turning out to be the baker's dream.
Alas, there is no Joseph to decipher her dreams!

The nobleman standing on a distant hill
who heard the cries and sighs of the Shulamite
She too got mesmerized by his persona.
Would he extend the shepherd's staff?
He might or might not as he is at the mercy of
the unfolding events!

I'm curious about her eternal fate
Will she sing the Song of Solomon with the nobleman?
Or will she end up in the abyss of the crooked jailer?
Even I've got to wait and watch.

Oh dear Shulamite, revive your mind.
Freedom is not far away, don't be an urban paradox.
Ultimately, it's you who either make it break it!
Wishing you good luck......

Part 2 – The REDEMPTION of the SHULAMITE

As you know well, her redemption was inevitable

Her friend paved the way and she eventually took that way

Her well-wishers always thank her friend.

She ran and embraced her new-found love

There were a few skirmishes in the sky

She had to cry profusely as her bond with the ‘cow-face’ was intense

Yet she dared to snap out that incorrigible bond

His last-ditch attempt to win her back went futile

Where is her new-found love during this time? Where is he?

He is so sensitive with her as he adores her loves her from the heart

It was a time of pain for him too as he couldn’t withstand seeing her crying

He vowed that he would never make her cry

The Shulamite and her new-found love are so happy now

The heaven and earth are jealous about them

Her parents, siblings and friends are jealous about them

Guess what? They complement each other well.

Let them live happily forever and ever.

The poet decided to put a lid on their story

Praying that he should not re-open that lid

May God bless them!

The Chirps of a Sure-footed Chipmunk

I had a ‘less than perfect’ weekend and I didn’t do anything creative at all. Do the deadening effects of being a nocturnal-being affect my week-ends? I’ve gotta seriously think about it. Didn’t I do anything? Yes, I did. I built a castle of dreams and I just want to share one of my dreams with you folks. Mind you, my diction would be quite succinct ‘coz I think brevity is the soul of wit!

Dream: Accepting the Academy Award for Best Writing (Original Screenplay) in 2013 if the world is not gonna end by December 21, 2012.

Would I be able to materialize this dream? Will the Mayans be kind enough to let me see the dawn of 2013? Here’s what possibly gonna happen (Partly truth and partly fiction).

I’m on the verge of writing a novel about a Catholic priest who gradually loses his faith in the very system he pleads allegiance to. OMG, I can’t divulge more information about it because I won’t let you steal my thunder.

Under normal circumstances, I finish writing the novel in a year and a million copies of it are being sold out like hot cakes. Then, Quentin Tarantino gets inspired by my literary creation and directs a movie without altering the storyline. The movie “The Paradox of Choice” breaks the box office records and gains rave reviews from all over the world. I find myself in the Kodak theater on Hollywood Boulevard with all the who's who of Hollywood…"The winner", announces Martin Scorsese, "is Matt'. My little heart throb, Kristen Stewart, is elated and I can hear her lovely whispers! Lo and behold; I come to the stage, receive the award and I’m about to say “"Ella Pughazhum Eraivanukke”( All glory to God alone)…………….

Silence!!!…………Silence!!!………..Silence….!!!

Hey buddy, why the heck you woke me up!!! That was an awesome dream dude!!!